I always been grateful for small things. Being alive. Or not always. But since 13 y after I lost everything. I got hospilazed and 10 years of trauma, all those years every single morning just being alive or watching the sunset, breathing, getting a morning text was like everything for me. I never wanted to sleep because I wanted to do so much stuff and was scared if everything would be taken away from me again next morning. I would wake up again in the nightmare I went through.

I was depressed for so many years and I compared myself to everyone. I was sick at home and I could not do anything. I got burned out and my brain stopped working, my body said stop from moving out of the house. I was overwhealmed and everyone kept on asking, why do you not just take your shit together and go work?

I was a master at faking as a teenager.

I was born to never complain.

”Show them how strong you are, never let them see you shed tears”

”Get up, don’t cry, slap yourself in the face and continue the game”

”Don’t be like the other girls that cry on the football field”

It took me 15 years to start hugging people.

It took me 20 years to be able to cry.

Ok well maybe I did cry as a baby, alot probably. But then I was teached it was wrong, it was weak.

I am happy I got wise from the brainwash, I know being vulnerable and weak is not weak it is strength. But I still find it very hard, I rarely cry. Never actually. But I can, and I let myself be sensitive on the right moments. Nowadays I love being near amd touch a human body, be honest, be open, be truthful with people what I felt was very unnatural and immature as a kid.

I like the book ”The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne

Because they talk or write about all the things I learned while I was depressed.

To find the magical moments in life.

To be grateful of every moment.

Because actually, the moment you stop complaining and start being grateful of what you do have instead of what you do not have, you start to earn and get and achieve more and more.

Opposite, if you focus on every bad thing that is happening in your life, you will just get more and more tragedy.

So what do you choose?

Positivity.

Good vibes.

Of course.

Happiness is a choice mostly.

Lets choose to be happy, vulnerable, strong, open and not fake it, we only lose by doing that.

I am very open and personal on social media but something I haven’t talked much about to anyone is my struggle with my health right now.

To be honest I haven’t had a good day this whole year. I’ve been running from doctor to doctor with no kind of success. The last years I’ve been reading, studying and biohacking myself to get well, but everytime I think I found the conclusion, I get a slap on my face. One thing I promised to myself. If I ever get well again, I promise I will help every person in this world also with what I have learned during these years.

I am happy though. Life is beautiful. I love life. We all go through shit times sometimes but what is most important is our health. If you do not have that you do not have nothing. Be grateful of being alive for being able to move.

My RA is managable. My joints is most times healthy. My fingers and toes I can handle. My hormones works great. My period is normal. My vitamin levels are all perfect. My heart and lungs are healthy. I am well but the stomach pain I have had for the last three years is something I thought was never even possible for a human being to get. I do not stress. I do not smoke. I live very healthy and have probably done the most tests in this world. But I just seem to not get help.

Anyways, for me being alive and being able to workout means EVERYTHING for me. People has it so much worse, some things are too horrible to even understand what is happening in the world right now.

Just know all of us go through hard times, sometimes more and sometimes less.

Sometimes we can impact alot by own, but sometimes there is nothing we can do but pray.

Joy. Gratitude. Love. Amazement. Delight. Playfulness. Humor. Inspiration. Compassion. Hope. Creativity. Interest. Excitement. Enjoyment. Calmness. SAFE. Energy. Strength. Limitless. Focused. Healthy.

These are the things we feel, sometimes everyday, sometimes not for months.. these are the things that we should be grateful of and not take for granted.

I wish you some wonderful holidays. The time of the year no one should be alone. Keep your loved ones near and keep an eye on yourself and what you have, because in the other second it can be lost.